New marital developments

[Shiphead]

I agree. But encouraging the Op when it is going good is what many of us do. Commenting negatively after the event is hurtful.
I did DM Tacoma right away.

[Tacoma75]

Thanks for all the concern and advice everyone. I do appreciate the community to offer support. Betsy and I have been civil around the house to each other but the last two days are mostly texting to resolve the dispute. It's easier the way and less chance of an argument.

She was very adamant about making me confirm that I "pushed her into a relationship with Joe". I feel like it took both of us with equal interest but despite that I agreed with her. Then she made me admit I was turned on by the idea of them together sexually, which I freely admitted. "Well you got what you wanted. Let's try to fix this and move forward" was her response. She's calling him a good friend, which I do think is true but I would think it's more than that now that they're sleeping together, but I didn't argue with her. Long story short she is going to continue seeing him with my permission.

She spent the night with him last night, which was difficult for me, but it is technically what I wanted so I didn't object. Also he knows the real story about how I encouraged her, so the fake-cheating narrative is out. She hasn't given me any details after the first date when they made out at the mall, but we have been arguing heavily for weeks and my hope is things will soon be different. Her and Zaylee went out for lunch and some shopping. The plan is for us to have dinner and sleep together tonight for the first time in a while, which is a good step.

[Dream Weaver]

Thanks for all the concern and advice everyone. I do appreciate the community to offer support. Betsy and I have been civil around the house to each other but the last two days are mostly texting to resolve the dispute. It's easier the way and less chance of an argument.

She was very adamant about making me confirm that I "pushed her into a relationship with Joe". I feel like it took both of us with equal interest but despite that I agreed with her. Then she made me admit I was turned on by the idea of them together sexually, which I freely admitted. "Well you got what you wanted. Let's try to fix this and move forward" was her response. She's calling him a good friend, which I do think is true but I would think it's more than that now that they're sleeping together, but I didn't argue with her. Long story short she is going to continue seeing him with my permission.

She spent the night with him last night, which was difficult for me, but it is technically what I wanted so I didn't object. Also he knows the real story about how I encouraged her, so the fake-cheating narrative is out. She hasn't given me any details after the first date when they made out at the mall, but we have been arguing heavily for weeks and my hope is things will soon be different. Her and Zaylee went out for lunch and some shopping. The plan is for us to have dinner and sleep together tonight for the first time in a while, which is a good step.

Glad to hear things are calming down a little bit. I honestly think the news about the fake-cheating thing is good. Anything built on phony stories is inherently unstable. We did similar and that drove me a little crazy, so I flat out let the other guy know I knew (he was/is a friend so I was able to do so more easily than if you had wanted to do something similar). I didn't mind my wife having sex with him, but I felt like he'd think I was a chump on some level if he thought it was a more typical affair. (Of course many would say I was a chump either way, but them's the breaks with this fetish).

Would I be incorrect if I guessed that your biggest "beef" with all of this is she didn't share enough when she did this? (Either she went and you knew and didn't have proper reconnect - Or she started cheating without you knowing?) Or are you simply upset she caught feelings for him?

Genuinely curious. It would put much of this in perspective and you might get some good advice.

[sandy691196]

Thanks for all the concern and advice everyone. I do appreciate the community to offer support. Betsy and I have been civil around the house to each other but the last two days are mostly texting to resolve the dispute. It's easier the way and less chance of an argument.

She was very adamant about making me confirm that I "pushed her into a relationship with Joe". I feel like it took both of us with equal interest but despite that I agreed with her. Then she made me admit I was turned on by the idea of them together sexually, which I freely admitted. "Well you got what you wanted. Let's try to fix this and move forward" was her response. She's calling him a good friend, which I do think is true but I would think it's more than that now that they're sleeping together, but I didn't argue with her. Long story short she is going to continue seeing him with my permission.

She spent the night with him last night, which was difficult for me, but it is technically what I wanted so I didn't object. Also he knows the real story about how I encouraged her, so the fake-cheating narrative is out. She hasn't given me any details after the first date when they made out at the mall, but we have been arguing heavily for weeks and my hope is things will soon be different. Her and Zaylee went out for lunch and some shopping. The plan is for us to have dinner and sleep together tonight for the first time in a while, which is a good step.

There was a fateful "friday" when Betsy was supposed to meet the guy (for full on sex) after that first "make out" date. You had felt intense pain prior to that Fri and we'll had suggested you clearly express your state of mind to Betsy before the big day. We had suggested cooling things a bit and sorting out your feelings at the threshold of diving in.

So did you get to have that conversation with Betsy before that Friday? If you did and she still went ahead and had sex with him, then you didn't "technically" push her into it.

If you didn't have that "speed breaker" conversation with her before Friday and allowed her to operate under the impression that she had your unqualified support, then you "technically" were all on board as far as she is concerned. Then her exasperation is justified.

So Tacoma, the entire thing hinges on whether you had communicated your pain before she dived in or you didn't.

[Letterhead]

This thread is getting ruined by all the commentary. Let Tacoma tell the story. If you want to offer advice then DM the OP. Otherwise you all are just bloviating.

.

[BallSpanking]

Not sure about 'bloviating', but it does sound as though Tacoma and Betsy are arriving to a better place, at least one where there is communication between them. It is a hopeful sign that when Betsy's anger cools down she may come around to feeling good about her dalliance with Joe, and Tacoma's suggestions that she and the marriage would benefit from this, but first she needs to get past the resentment. With any luck, her HW activity is becoming more and more a part of her everyday reality, and possibly joyful reality, at which point she may reassess Tacoma's desires for her in a more loving and understanding light.
Hang in there, Tacoma. Continue to be loving and romantic with Betsy, so she will settle into what should be a happy HW dynamic with a husband who adores her, and with whom she can again have intimacy (even if the sexual dynamic has changed). If she has loved you for this long, it should be still within reach to find kindness and tenderness with you again.

[Pecannut]

I'm so happy to hear that things are getting better for you. I think you did well. Hope you will start to hear more about her adventures. You just need to trust her. Have you asked her that if she could share something what has happened with you?

[Tacoma75]

The big problem came when I asked her if she was seeing him behind my back. Before that things weren’t as tense. Seems to be better now. She had her night with him this past weekend and we are more or less back to normal.

[BallSpanking]

Are you and Betsy enjoying sex again?
If not, you might consider re-initiating sexual contact by going down on her ... Maybe in that setting she will be more willing to include you in her adventures and recount their meeting while you are going down on her. That seems to work well in bonding the two of you again in an intimate relationship, even if (or possibly 'because of') you assuming the Beta role as her main sexual partner, but it can re-establish trust, acceptance, and tenderness.

[thinman]

NRE is so powerful. I would imagine in Betsy’s case, it would be hugely strong, as all of this is entirely new to her, after being with only Tacoma for a very long time. I know that everyone reacts differently when entering a new sexual relationship, but I would imagine that she is spending an awful lot of her time thinking about Joe and their time together during the last few weeks.. It sounds like she is beginning to balance things out, which is good. I do hope she can communicate with Tacoma more about what has actually transpired - I think it would be good for both of them. A big plus for Tacoma is the fact that Joe has a girlfriend. (I wonder if she knows about Betsy?) The girlfriend’s existence might help keep Betsy on a more even keel.

[Shiphead]

I think Zaylee has been in the middle between Betsy and Tacoma. I won't go into all the reasons why but if she wasn't involved, Tacoma and Betsy can get back on track. Good luck Tacoma. It seems like Betsy is going to take no responsibility for anything. You may have to eat crow for a little until the NRE settles down as thinman said. Best to you.

[sandy691196]

Zaylee hijacked the HW agenda that Tacoma and Betsy had worked out. We know a new couple can be kinda vulnerable at that initial stage. Betsy had never imagined something like this in the past. She was fertile ground for the "power of suggestion".

A good, well meaning friend at that stage could have facilitated something beautiful. Zaylee subverted the entire game, put fissiparous stuff into Betsy's head and queered the pitch for the couple. The initial kicks that Betsy got out of the liaison, appeared to reinforce Zalylee's indoctrination in Betsy's mind. Tacoma perhaps hadn't communicated his reservations in time.
Thing went out of hand.

[mundyman]

The big problem came when I asked her if she was seeing him behind my back. Before that things weren’t as tense. Seems to be better now. She had her night with him this past weekend and we are more or less back to normal.

The part that is hard for me to understand is why does she get upset when you ask this and why doesn’t she answer the question with full, transparency ??
Is she ashamed of what she did and how much she enjoyed it?
Is she ashamed of what she did and is afraid of her husbands reaction to her going behind his back(cheating?)
Does she not care what her husband, his feelings, or what he thinks?
Is she flush with NRE and is getting carried away? Moving much faster than she thinks her husband is ready to move.
Is she right now seeing the grass greener on the other side b/c of the NRE?

The lack of full honesty on her part is troubling….

[mundyman]

The big problem came when I asked her if she was seeing him behind my back. Before that things weren’t as tense. Seems to be better now. She had her night with him this past weekend and we are more or less back to normal.

The part that is hard for me to understand is why does she get upset when you ask this and why doesn’t she answer the question with full, transparency ??
Is she ashamed of what she did and how much she enjoyed it?
Is she ashamed of what she did and is afraid of her husbands reaction to her going behind his back(cheating?)
Does she not care what her husband, his feelings, or what he thinks?
Is she interested in, and growing into, a more dominant role in their relationship, and is trying to establish this dominance by taking control, of her marital relationship by not letting her husband into her new relationship?
Is she flush with NRE and is getting carried away? Moving much faster than she thinks her husband is ready to move.
Is she right now seeing the grass greener on the other side b/c of the NRE?

The lack of full honesty on her part is troubling….

[sandy691196]

The big problem came when I asked her if she was seeing him behind my back. Before that things weren’t as tense. Seems to be better now. She had her night with him this past weekend and we are more or less back to normal.

The part that is hard for me to understand is why does she get upset when you ask this and why doesn’t she answer the question with full, transparency ??
Is she ashamed of what she did and how much she enjoyed it?
Is she ashamed of what she did and is afraid of her husbands reaction to her going behind his back(cheating?)
Does she not care what her husband, his feelings, or what he thinks?
Is she flush with NRE and is getting carried away? Moving much faster than she thinks her husband is ready to move.
Is she right now seeing the grass greener on the other side b/c of the NRE?

The lack of full honesty on her part is troubling….

All of it combined together..
+ she may be feeling let down since Tacoma apparently never shared with her, his reservations about this LS. She may be feeling 'set up'..
We don't know the details

[ChrisCuck]

The big problem came when I asked her if she was seeing him behind my back. Before that things weren’t as tense. Seems to be better now. She had her night with him this past weekend and we are more or less back to normal.

I'm glad you and your wife are back to normal.

My non-expert opinion is that you had a bout of really bad cuckold angst and, when you reacted based on that angst, your wife felt played like a yo-yo. I get how wives can get upset at being encouraged to the point of feeling "pushed," only to have the husband change his mind once the wife is on board.

Your wife took charge of the situation though. She sorted out your conflicting desires and reconciled them with her own desires. Then she took action. Assuming her mind is made up that she likes this new status quo, you may finally have achieved the cuckold marriage of you dreams! I hope that's the case and that this is a win-win for the both of you.

[Shiphead]

Kaylee must go or at least do a threescore with you and Becky. Time to see what she has going on since she is all up in your business. Does Betsy have any plans to include you in some way?
Does she still spend a huge amount of time at home hiding out talking and texting?

[Tacoma75]

I think you're right Chris. Things are settling down. She stayed with him last night again. It looks like will be a regular thing. She's talking a little bit about their time together. Told me when she got home today that he's amazing in bed. Then asked if I'm a voyeur and would I like to see her with him. She suggested he could come over here some time and I did my best to sound interested although I'm 50/50 on that. Still a little unsettled by the fact that he knows I'm into this whole thing. I asked if she might take a video of them sometime as kind of a starter step and she said maybe they could do that.

And yes she still talks to him quite a bit. They talked at least 3 nights after work this past week. I don't mind it and think it's hot, and also happy for her that she's enjoying her new relationship. I am very turned on by the fact that she's sleeping with him. I even catch myself fantasizing about it when she and I have sex.

[BallSpanking]

It does sound as though Becky is getting into the HW lifestyle. Perhaps it is a good time for you to engage her in a non-confrontational conversation where the two of you can simply agree that this is something that is good for both of you (especially her), and how you would enjoy gradually participating in a way she is comfortable with. I think the current situation offers an excellent opportunity for you to rekindle her intimacy orally, and have her recount her experiences with him as you please her with your tongue. She will learn to love it, and probably you as well once she brings home creampies, and the two of you can share the fruits of her lovemaking with her BF.
If you think there is an opening for Becky to also date someone else, or engage in an MFM with her BF, it could also be a productive path, as it will lessen her emotional dependency on one guy, and get her used to the thought of having not just one BF, but a few FB's.

[venus-can99]

Thanks for the update Tacoma and glad to hear that things are settling down. From the sounds of it she is embarcing the LS and want you involved.

[Tacoma75]

Actually she has mentioned several times about guys flirting with her at the grocery store and also when she and Zaylee go out. I figured she would be a one boyfriend wife but I guess it's possible she may take a second.

She and I were going to go out to eat tonight but she said he called and asked her out instead. I was a little put off at first but realized it is fairly hot having her boyfriend steal her away from me and she chose him and not me. She told me she will make it worth my while when she gets back. I have no idea what that means but am a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

Also thanks for the well wishes!

[Letterhead]

Wow, I'm still a wannabe and thought your story might be mostly a cautionary tale, but it sounds like things are turning out well after a rough start. I only wish you had some pics for us!

[venus-can99]

Actually she has mentioned several times about guys flirting with her at the grocery store and also when she and Zaylee go out. I figured she would be a one boyfriend wife but I guess it's possible she may take a second.

She and I were going to go out to eat tonight but she said he called and asked her out instead. I was a little put off at first but realized it is fairly hot having her boyfriend steal her away from me and she chose him and not me. She told me she will make it worth my while when she gets back. I have no idea what that means but am a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

Also thanks for the well wishes!

Looking forward to hearing how her dinner date went and how she made it worth your while.

[BallSpanking]

I think she will be bringing you a creampie.

[Dream Weaver]

Wow, I'm still a wannabe and thought your story might be mostly a cautionary tale, but it sounds like things are turning out well after a rough start. I only wish you had some pics for us!

A huge chunk of us (me to a certain extent) have such crazy angst when it first happens that they practically crack (or do crack). If one can get past it, I think it gets easier.